Me and my blog.

At the moment, when I am out and about and particularly when exercising I keep thinking which direction I want to take this blog; What I want to write and what people might want to read or have any interest in reading and what I want to get out of it myself in doing so.  It might be worth noting here that I think to much and I worry too much.  Not the most efficient time spent sometimes but I put it down to caring a lot; maybe too much.  But this is me.  My blog will probably be a cross between scientific analysis and reporting and evidence based planning and problem solving but quite thoughtful and feeling lead.

• For the moment I want to keep the focus on fitness, nutrition, medals/events (including parkrun) and well being.  It might help save my friends the extensive running/cycling/medal/swimming etc talk that I'm sure that I often bore them with and give me motivation to keep working hard and focused.
• Being a Sports Scientist, I like tests and statistics,  amongst other thing, I find them useful in creating goals and monitoring progress. I hope to try and use these more to aid my motivation.  I also want to get back into using My Fitness Pal (MFP).
• I need to identify my health and fitness goals to help define my training.  I am prone to trying to do too much and taking too much on.  The thing is I want to do everything; running, cycling, swimming, sports and anything new, including kayaking which I have never done but I am being introduced to soon, goodness knows how I will do at that but as always I will give 200% effort
• Did I mention yet that I am a British Cycling Level 1 ride leader? I want to get back into leading Breeze (women only) rides too.

In summary.... Fitter, faster, stronger, happier.

I love taking part in events, and new experiences; medals often come with them but they aren't everything to me. I do it for the challenge and overcoming it, the memories and the fun.  If it comes with a medal, it is a bonus and helps keep the memory. A bit like a photo, I can hang it on the wall.  Selfishly, I am doing more events and new things and working harder for me; I made a promise to myself a few years ago to do more of what makes me happy.  It has been hard in the past sometimes for me to put myself first, but I am getting better at it.  It still makes me happy by making other people happy and I love finding a way of putting that little bit extra thought into something that I know will make someone smile or just know that they are loved. Probably sounds silly but to know me is to know that is what I get the most joy from.  

So I said that I worry.  I worry that some of the people I love have taken this personally, and that I am not about as much for them as I was before I started taking myself and training seriously (which I wouldn't do if I didn't enjoy).  Some people have even said things to me things like "perhaps after the next event you can have a break for a couple of months" as I was talking about being busy (which isn't anything new). It made me upset to hear that on more than one occasion.  I want the people I love and care about to understand and want as much for me to be happy as I do them and I was then worrying that it might come across that I am not happy in these ventures to others but I really am.  At the moment running, cycling, being fit and healthy etc. is what makes me happy so to suggest that I have a break from that for a few months is like saying have a break from being happy.  I think that it is because I have always lived my life around others and now I am living my life around me, it is noticeable.  It doesn't meant that I don't love or care about anyone any less than I did before.  I am just learning to love and care about myself a bit more and in doing so I have less time to go out of my way as much for others and their needs, but I still love everyone and if anyone was to ask anything of me in need and I could genuinely help I would.

This is in part a bit of a rant; a frustration that I feel misunderstood by some at the moment for wanting these things for myself, I think that it is exasperated by some other external factors that are causing me to suffer with stress at times (wedding, work, home etc but this is not going to be a forum for those challenges) and I am guilty of using exercise as a distraction from some important things I need to deal with, but it also relieves my stress.  I hasten to add that I don't blame anyone I love for any miunderstanding I belive they have for me, it is me who is not communicating this in general, in a poor and ineffective manner for this to be the case.

Hopefully you won't get too many of these posts....I also expect my stress to reduce after my wedding and a a much needed holiday and a relative normality to return soon.

My first goal is to review my current state of fitness with some tests to get some data I can use to set some goals and later monitor progress.  I was going to ask the gym instructor to set me a gym programme but I am qualified enough to do my own so I will work on this over the coming month or two.  This isn't a priority until after my wedding but if I can I will.